Warning: this may be triggering to those who have endured any form of sexual abuse.
My Dark Vanessa is a tragic novel about fifteen- year-old Vanessa Wye and the affair that sparked with her forty-two-year old English teacher. We jump from the past to the present and uncover the psychological imprint Strane has left on her. We soon find out Strane is being accused of sexual harassment by a former student. This student reaches out to Vanessa in hopes of being part of a larger movement of women that is growing in the world today. Vanessa grapples with helping this girl because it would mean she has to admit the relationship she has based so much of her life around was merely a product of sexual harassment and not by her own will. We go to therapy with Vanessa as she challenges to share this part of herself with her therapist. By the end of the book, Vanessa is still working on coming to terms with what happened in her childhood and how she chooses to remember it.
Now that we have summarized the book, let me talk about what my feelings were while reading it. I was dying for Vanessa to have an epiphany the entire time. I wanted to shake her and scream "STRANE IS A MONSTER!" However, this would be unfair of me and quite frankly, insensitive of me. How can we judge Vanessa for how she copes with what she went through? It is frustrating to see the way Vanessa describes her past- a time where she feels like she took control of her body and embraced her womanhood. But, everyone else saw what happened in a much darker light. And maybe that is why Vanessa simply can't admit she was abused. She doesn't want to live her life in the shadow of the abuse- constantly being labeled as "traumitzied" or "damaged" by others. I wanted her to see what the readers saw, I wanted her to see the gross misconduct that occurred at her high school.
Notice how I didn't mention her mom? That brings me to my next point. WTF. I know the mom didn't want Vanessa to hate her but seriously? Come on! Who are we to judge, maybe Vanessa would've found another old man to date after Strane had been arrested. But, I guess we will literally NEVER know because the mom didn't contact the police. There are very few reasons I could entertain as to why her mother didn't protect her in this situation. The first being she didn't want Vanessa to despise her (which still doesn't seem that convincing to me, doesn't every teenager feel that way?) And honestly, I can't think of a second. If you know why, please enlighten me as I was personally offended by this behavior.
This book grapples with a lot of themes about the age of consent, victimhood, and various other themes. It really captures the way sexual allegations were handled twenty years ago versus in the present day. I like that it shows the strides in society. Apparently no changes have been made in Vanessa's school because they allowed a sexual predator to work there after numerous allegations. Overall, I would say this book is worth the read, but only if you are aware that the topic can be very triggering. It kept my interest the entire time, however I wanted a happier ending. This may be the fiction in me, but I wanted to see Vanessa have insane character development. I guess this is another way the book captured the raw feelings of survivors- not always a fairytale ending.